Pensive Thought: How do you measure success?

I've been posed with a number of questions lately, that I didn't realize had sunk in or that really affected, empowered or impacted me in any way, that is until I woke up at 4:30 am restless with the inability to return to necessary yet unattainable slumber.

I was attending an "online mommy party" yesterday and the host asked, "How do you measure success?", and instinctively I responded something to the effect of "I measure my success by my children's happiness". Well I was at a mommy party right? As I circle back to that thought, I realize a few things; for starters my kids will not always be happy! How's that for a thought, but that MY PERSONAL MEASURE of success shouldn't necessarily evolve or hid behind my children. If the question were, how do you rate your success as a mother?, then that would've been a different question entirely, but that is not what she asked, and yet, I somehow responded as such that I made me, the person, the woman, invisible.

How do you rate your success? I've asked myself this question over and over and over in my mind...

How can I respond to this question honestly and truthfully if...I have not achieved success?

Now understand that I am going to veer away from this to another area of mental reflectivity. I believe in God, our higher power, our higher being, I believe that he is in my drivers seat, I believe that he is the man in control of my life, I believe that, I understand that, I respect that. There are times when I am in meditation/prayer that I find myself questioning my purpose (lets go with that thought, because I don't want to veer off completely), I say purpose lightly or figuratively, because I know that I am a woman, a daughter, a wife, a mother, a student, a friend, a sister and oh so much more to so many people, I've over allocated myself (but I digress). I question my purpose, every one is crafted beautifully and remarkably to have one talent (or in some cases more than one), but one thing that God wishes for you to pursue (again these are my beliefs, the purpose of these thoughts is not to persuade you into my thinking but to share my train of thought),  and well, I'm 32, I'm everything that I've stated and then some, but I still don't know who I want to be when I grow up? How is that possible? I've floated through life, being all of these wonderful things to all of these beautiful people that I've encountered and yet and I still I don't know who I want to be for me. That is just preposterous!

Now back to my question, How do you rate/measure success?

Sure, success can be measured by your materialistic worldly possessions, the ability to maintain employment and pay your bills, keep food in your mouth, clothes on your back, and the ability to travel, but success if more than that, isn't it? Success is your personal achievement, fulfillment, the ability to overcome, the ability to withstand, and still make forward progress. Because you know, we are all a work in progress, we'll never achieve perfection.

I am not successful, and I don't say that lightly, I say that meaning that I haven't discovered my calling, I haven't discovered my goals, my dreams, his purpose of my creation, I've just succumb to what life has encouraged me to be and I have not accepted or acknowledged all that I can be. It's all still up in the air...

Until Next Time,