Eyes Wide Open

This blog post is very personal and very deep, I'm going to share with you emotions that I can't fully express and put into words. The fear for your child is the worst fear I'll ever experience and I pray that I'll never have to experience such emotions ever again.

Yesterday I learned what fear for your child felt like. If thought when my girls were 10 minutes passed curfew was scary, your child not coming home from school was definitely worse. Yesterday my 15 year old son decided not to come home from school. Not to answer his phone. Not to contact his parents. and NOT to come home overnight. I was torn between the notion of teenage ignorance or the actual fear that something terrible could have actually happened to my son. The fear settled in the pit of my stomach and I was sick with wonder and worry. My husband convinced he's just being a teenager and I, well I tend to lean toward the worst. You pull and pick apart at aspects of your child's personality. Is this something he would do? Could he truly be so ignorant, so uncaring, so selfish to leave me here in this moment, worried, hurt, and scared. No way!

We have an app called Life 360 on our iPhone's that are able to track your family members while showing where in relation you are to the locations of registered sex offenders, your children are able to check in and say that they are safe, while it shows you the approximate address of where they are located. So I knew where he was for the most part, that is until, I was no longer able to track him. That is when the fear in my heart and in my stomach and in my mind escalated beyond imaginable belief. I was now convinced something had gone array. At this point I'm searching for clues, what was he wearing (my child leaves for school before I come downstairs in the morning), what did he have with him, did he go to school, who is he talking to, where do is friends live? Meanwhile,  my husband wishes to give him time to come home and receive his punishment. By 7am, I'm begging, pleading with God.

Please let my child be safe, please let him come home and the I have to plead with my husband to let me finally contact the authorities. I did it. I couldn't hold off any longer, what if something IS TRULY wrong with my child. Authorities arrive, they ask 101 and one question, all of which surprisingly I am ABLE to answer. I've by now reached out to all of his friends, some either don't answer, while the others hadn't seen him, but one says clearly, "he's probably at *&^BLEEP*&^ house", which is what I assumed, but if he was in fact at *&^BLEEP*&^ house, how would that be allowed, how would he be permitted to be there? It didn't add up to me.

As the police officer was about to step out again to search for my son... My husband receives a text, from our son... As if he didn't realize that we've called 1,001 times, that we've asked him to check in via the app, but he's telling DAD that he's scared to come home. Now we're even more panicked, because his response time is slow. In anticipation we ask him to answer his phone. Is it really him?
Well long story short is that my son put the fear in my heart and stomach to spend time with *&^BLEEP*&^ at her house all night and didn't want to leave and knew if he came home DAD would put the fear of GOD in him.

While I'm greatly disappointed that my son did this, I'm eternally grateful to God for keeping him safe and bringing him home. I now realize more than ever that we  as parents need to become more aware of your surroundings, who your children are hanging with and who they are involved with, and ensure that they know that we are human, we've all made mistakes, and while there are consequences for your actions, you should never just NOT DO, because your actions deeply effect your parents. I'm more aware of what my girls are doing, who they are with, where they are going, when will they be back, but perhaps I'm going to become a little more protective of them, the fear settled in deep. I've cried until my eyes hurt so bad that they made my head hurt, my eyes are still burning from all of the pain and fear I shed. I'm feeling anxious and unsettled, how do I recover and return from here.

The only I recommend is to sit down and talk to your children, talk to them about responsibility, accountability, and respect. Get to know their interests, know their friends and where they live, make the accountable for themselves as they hold you accountable to be a responsible parent. Oh yes, they do that! With the constant nag of what's for dinner? Yes, my poor attempt at lightening the mood.

I'm going to recover from this, meanwhile, he's got to regain my trust, because I'm so blown.

Until next time,

Grounded In My Creativity

As I sort through the contents of my Cerra package received from SheSpeaks, I'm realizing, that I'm in need of a moment to myself. The house is quiet, there are no children at home. I'll drink a cup from the Art of Tea, I choose grounded, I think I could settle in on some "security". I tear the package open, I embrace the sents of the earth, the colors are so vivid and connected with those of the fall, the colors I adore and admire. I snap a few photographs of the shades and then I heat my water, I snap another photograph as I place the bag to seep. As the color begins to infuse with the water, I get excited, what a beautiful shade of orange. I admire the many shades of orange, it resembles the changing of the seasons, a season I embrace wholeheartedly, as you begin to see orange in the trees, in the sky, on table tops, along the streets, Halloween and through Thanksgiving, before the orange fades and returns as Red. I love orange.

I take a sip, I take another sip and then I spring from my chair, I dart to the closet that houses my school/office supplies. I find my Bristol paper and suddenly my seeped tea bag becomes a tool for art and creativity. As I begin to think about what I'll say, how I'll express how I feel, I begin reading the package of the "grounded tea" only to my surprise, it's not grounded. It's creativity!



 Inspiring, I sit here as I take the final sips of my tea, I admire the color and I allow my mind to wander into this post. Where has my creativity gone? Where can it take me? What will become of this mini-masterpiece that I've created. I see words, I see words written across the Bristol paper, I don't know what words, so for now, I just sign it.

I feel at peace, I feel calm, I feel relaxed, and I feel serene. I haven't felt this way in a while. You see, I'm a mother of 4 kids, and though my husband is wonderful, there are times, he makes 5. Everything I do, is for them, around them, with them, there aren't too many moments that are dedicated to things I enjoy, things I want, things I need, in fact, my only outlet or me time is when I should be resting. This moment, feels like an achievement, a growth opportunity, a chance to see what can be done, what I can do, for me, consider that? Something for me? Is that allowed? As I sit here and think about it, yes, its not only allowed, it's necessary for my own sanity and the "safety" of my family.

I really feel good, I feel so calm, I'm ready to explore Cerra further. I'm certain that there are infinite possibilities as to what Cerra and the products and vision can express from me.

That was indeed THE best cup of tea in a moment made just for me, that I've ever sat down to drink.

Until next time,

Weightless on my skin

I've got seriously extreme skin, it's either excessively oily or excruciatingly dry, but to top that it's also sensitive. So when I was given the opportunity by BzzzAgent & Burt's Bees to try their new Skin Care line, I was hesitant but excited at the same time.


I had a little party over at my house this weekend when my BzzKit arrived, at first I waited to open it, but I couldn't resist, they sent me a FULL SIZED Sensitive Facial Cleanser and the Sensitive Daily Moisturizing Cream and to boot there were samples to share with my girlfriends! So I handed each one of them a sample, not knowing what I was getting myself into, but so what? Burt's Bees is by far one of my most treasured finds!

Today was the first opportunity I had to try it. When I wet my face and put on the cleanser, I was a little worried that it was providing my skin TOO much moisture since it's soap-free (how was it going to wash away the dirt and oil?) as I read more about the contents I learned that its made from "cotton extract".
I was still a bit worried, as I put on the moisturizer and it felt light and weightless, which made me a little less apprehensive. But I thought, since I'm going to be putting this on my skin on a daily basis, its best I know how it works with what it's made of, so that I could make an informed decision on whether I'd continue to use this product.

So I did some more research and this is what Burt's Bees said about their Product Line:

Distinctly formulated with softening Cotton Extract to help skin replenish its outer layer and minimize the effects of potential irritants such as harsh soaps or cleansers, it also moisturizes with Rice Extract and soothes with Aloe. Naturally gentle and skin-friendly for daily use, it’s what every sensitive product should be.

• Softens and helps replenish skin's outer layer with Cotton Extract
• Gently removes dirt, oil and make-up without over drying or causing redness
• Formulated with Quillaja and Yucca Extracts to help remove impurities without stripping essential moisture
• Fragrance-free and hypo-allergenic
• Allergy-tested and dermatologist-tested

Impressive right?! This morning I decided not to overload my face with make up (not that I do that in the first place, but I do put on a tinted moisturizer, so I opted not to do that today) because if something were to go poorly, I wanted to know the source. Well, it's 1pm, and my face doesn't feel over loaded, oily, dry, tingly, itchy, dry, nothing! It feels great!

I'll have to touch base with you next week to let you know how its going, but at this rate, I'd say pretty promising.

Thank you BzzAgent & Burt's Bees for the opportunity!





Please note that I have not been compensated for this post. While the products I've received were given to me to sample by BzzAgent, the opinions posted are my own.



Until next time...

Healthy Food or bust!

So I know I mentioned in my post about the Aetna Heathly Food Fight, that I'd be sharing some healthy recipes with you over the course of the weeks that followed and I've failed you. What I didn't know or realize at the time, was that my eating habits were about to change BIG TIME! My niece is working on a Science Fair Project called "Detox Science", she's enlisted lots of women to be her "subjects" and naturally, I'd oblige. Right!

Being on a "detox" diet is a challenge, because I'm not just sacrificing things that "I THOUGHT" were bad for me, I'm eliminating A LOT of different foods, foods that I love and adore. Who would've thought how much I'd miss the sugar in my tea cup? Or the beef with my baked potato? But while I'm missing some of these things, I'm learning to expand my food palate and recipes.

As I'm learning to do this, I'm also more conscious of what is in the foods or drinks I'm putting in my body and I think I'm trying to follow this "diet" to the T to now let down my niece, but at the same time, not let down myself. Ridding my body of all of the "bad things" I've been putting in it for years and giving my body a boost in the right direction to achieve my overall goals. How enlightening! What makes this stand out from the rest of the times I've done this is that the focus and pressure is off of me, because I'm not focused on the rewards for myself, I'm focused on doing it for my niece. PHEW! No pressure right? Well there is pressure, but its different!

Have you ever noticed when you cook how much you taste, nibble, snack, sample, and then if you're like me, proceed to eat a regular meal? Well, I'm not doing that anymore. That is just ONE step that I've taken is different. I'm only eating natural sugars, herbal tea and what? MORE WATER! BONUS! I'm exercising daily and eating only the foods "I'm allowed", and I'm so proud of myself. Granted I'm only on day three, I've made three different trips to the grocery store to obtain "more healthy food" but, I'm on my way to achieving greatness!

So on with my latest recipe: Now bear in mind that I've embellished upon or tweaked it to suit my taste palate, but I was very pleased with the result of combining the two... I took the Sweet Potato/Squash recipe and meshed it with the oven roasted veggies recipe, which ended up being....

Roasted Sweet Potato, Red & White Potato and Butternut Squash with fresh garlic cloves, onions, sea salt, pepper, and olive oil with a dash of lemon baked uncovered! I ate that at three different meals and it was most delicious, I paired it with thin sliced chicken breast in similar seasonings and came up with --------> (If you're wondering, yes, I eat at my desk at work)  I have to say that this was one of THE most delicious meals I've made and had in a very long time, and go figure... It's healthy?


So thanks goes to my niece for one, SheSpeaks.com and Aetna Healthy Food Fight for inspiring me in so many ways to achieve healthy greatness!


Until next time....